Leading by Serving

In the past, my opinion has always been that leadership is a skill that people either have or they don’t. Some people are born leaders and others are followers. As I’ve grown though, I’ve come to realize that there are many different types of leadership styles as well as that there are good and bad leaders. For example, some leaders are given that title by chance of their job. Yet those who are supposed to be following them don’t trust them and they, quite honestly, don‘t care much about those they are supposed to be leading.

Sometimes by just not walking in step with the rest of the crowd, you stand out as a leader accidentally. Being a good leader may depend on just how far down a path you are willing to walk alone, if you believe in the cause, that others may see your sacrifice and determination, and have the courage to come up behind you and join you. And as I’ve learned, good leadership often involves serving the very ones you lead.


A short while ago, while at work at Crouse Hospital in the Emergency Department, we had an unlikely visitor. He was man in his 50’s who showed up in a pair of light green scrubs one evening, with a winning smile and a “can do” attitude. We were informed by our manager that this was Chris and he would be one of our new transporters. Immediately I started wondering why a guy of his age and with this much obvious charisma might possibly be working as a transporter. The only answer I could come up with is that he must have gotten involved in drugs or alcohol which short-circuited his great career potential. I also surmised that in time, the real personality problems that lay deep within his psyche would probably begin to emerge.

I happened to be wrong in all of my assumptions. I found out that this man was actually very successful. He happened to be Chris Farnum, Vice President of Finance at Crouse Hospital and he had recently been given the duty of being Interim Chief Nursing Officer as well. Knowing that he had little experience in this role and no clinical experience, he decided to become one of us for a while. I will always respect him for how he chose to take on his new role as our leader. He worked tirelessly from the moment he arrived each evening, which usually was around 5:30 after a long day of work in the office. He got along well with all the staff members and patients alike in the E.R. He would whisk patients all over the hospital and do any task that was asked of him.

(Pictured above on left Dr. Kronenberg, CEO of Crouse Hospital and Chris Farnum, VP of Finance, on right, at last year's Christmas Party. )

Once his secret identity was let out, he took in the many suggestions and problems that we brought to his listening ears. From housekeepers to physicians, we would tell him our concerns. It was almost therapeutic for us because for so long the E.R. had felt forgotten and suddenly we had someone who seemed to care. He saw first hand the resistance we received from inhouse staff when we would try to send patients up for admissions. He lived the chaos of continuous ambulance arrivals even after being put on diversion to try to stop their influx. He heard the profanities and insults of intoxicated patients and irate family members. He felt our pain, personally.


He took on this humble role, but he also led us as well. He encouraged us to put a smile on our faces and give each patient good customer service. This he did just by showing us how it should be done. There were times when we would be stressed out and feeling like we needed to go on diversion and he would encourage us to hold out a little longer. We knew that financially, the hospital did not want us to be on diversion, but having someone from Administration living the stress with us helped us to believe we could indeed stay off diversion a little longer. Because of his apparent care for us, we were willing to do just about anything that he asked of us.

Unfortunately, his time in the E.R. ended all too soon as a new, permanent Chief Nursing Officer was hired. But I was left with a sense of awe for this man. I kept mulling over in my mind trying to figure out what it was that I was so impressed with. Was it his humility? Was it his charisma? Was it his unique ability to lead such a stubborn and opinionated group of people like those of us in the E.R.? It was all that and more. There was something vaguely familiar about this leadership style. And finally I realized what it was.

The greatest leader of all times, Jesus Christ, did just what I saw Chris Farnum do, only to a much greater extent. He was God, with all the power that entailed. Yet, he stooped down to our level. He came down to earth, put on humanity and lived with all the pains and temptations that we have. He was their leader, yet he washed his disciples feet and even cooked meals for them at times. He wept over the stubborn city of Jerusalem who refused to accept his outstretched hand of love. And he performed many miracles for the sick, poor and outcasts of his day.


And while serving others, he asked of them service. By washing his disciples feet, he taught them that they should do this for others. By refusing to give in to temptation, he called us all to an even higher level of moral maturity. By reaching out to the poor and outcasts, he expressed the importance of compassion and God’s love for others. Jesus Christ taught a radical message of self sacrifice and obedience to God’s word. He did this not only by his words but by his actions. And his message has permeated practically every area of the globe even 2,000 years later.

As I reflect on the example of Chris Farnum as our temporary leader and then more on Jesus Christ, I am impressed with many things; one of them is the realization that true leadership means much more than giving orders. It means rolling up your sleeves and showing others that you are willing to serve with them. Self-sacrifice and determination in a leader are great qualities that inspire others to follow.

Public Speaking

I can’t help it. My heart starts to race. My palms get sweaty. My mouth goes dry. (In nursing we call this the “fight or flight” response) Well, right now I want to run; run far away and hide. I try to open my mouth and nothing comes out. A little more effort and my shaky voice reveals my nervousness right away. I clear my throat, swallow hard, and try a little louder. Thank God I have my notes in front of me! I am speaking now, but I can feel my voice racing. I just want this to be over. Get it over and sit down without completely humiliating myself. I feel dizzy and loose my concentration. Back to the notes. But in the back of my mind I know that nobody wants to be read to or talked at right now. They just want me to be relaxed and comfortable. Maybe even funny. But I can’t. I race through my prepared notes and rush to my seat, red-faced.
Despite numerous attempts and forcing myself to take a Public Speaking class in college, the story is always the same. Failure. I have spent quite a lot of time thinking about why this might be. I’ve tried to imagine the audience in their underwear or funny-looking hats, but if it hasn’t made me nauseated, at best it just makes me want to giggle, which for sure I shouldn’t start doing, or I might not stop.

Recently, I have become more involved in the union at Crouse Hospital. I sat on the Bargaining Committee as we bargained our latest contract. A few times I had to speak up to the large crowd that sat around the room in a sort of round table format. That went well. There have been many other incidents when in front of fairly large groups of supervisors, managers, directors and others, I’ve had to defend an innocent co-worker or plead the case of our department to get some unfair practice or policy changed. That has all gone surprisingly well.
I almost started to think that I had overcome this fear of speaking in public. But then I was asked recently to speak at the going away party of a lady who is very special to me. She was changing jobs and I was asked to welcome everyone. I knew almost everyone there from our Bargaining Committee experience. And, although I prepared my notes and tried to calm myself beforehand, the same exact “fight or flight” response happened and I bombed the speech.
Currently, the union is looking to improve and expand our new employee orientation. They’ve asked me to help. Maybe I wouldn’t mind speaking to a crowd of anywhere from twelve to fifty complete strangers? Are they crazy?!?! I’ve avoided it for months. But then I keep hearing repeatedly from new employees how lame the union looks in our Crouse orientation. And I know that something needs to change. But as it stands right now, I know that if I were to try to do it, I’d do just as bad if not worse.

So, I’ve been talking this over with our new Crouse Union Representative. He was trying to convince me the other day, “Come on Grace, I know you can do this. I saw you speak up very well in front of 30 or more nurses the other day.” “But that was totally different“, I argue. “How?” “Well, we were all sitting down as equals. And I didn’t have the job of talking at them. We were all just having a sort of round table discussion.” And then the light bulb goes on! That’s what I hate is talking at people and being in a “higher position” than a whole group of people. Perhaps it’s a self confidence issue. I’m not sure. But if we are all at the same level, and anyone has the option of chiming in at any time, I’m comfortable with that.

He then suggested that we revamp our orientation completely. “You know what we’re going to try, Grace? We’re going to have everyone gather their chairs around in a big group circle and we’re just all going to talk about the Union.” We had our first trial run of this on Tuesday. There were 35 people of different ages and backgrounds all gathered in the circle. And we just talked. It was comfortable. The other people in the group seemed to respond favorably too.

The more I reflect on the idea along with our union ideals, the more I feel it goes along exactly with what we are trying to express with the union. No one person is more important than another. We are all on the same team. The playing field is level. One of the main ideas we want to express to our union members is that the union doesn’t fight our battles for us, it gives a voice so we can fight our own. The body language we use expressing that concept is probably just as important as our words. I like this new format for orientation.

Saved at Nine

Classes have started for me again. The first writing assignment is to write an autobiography. Here's one part of my memoir.


At nine years old, running free outside, feeling fresh air in my lungs, riding my bike and swimming are some of my favorite things to do. I wish summer would last forever! Even still, this wish remains in my heart, the heart of a Central New York lifer.

I love being nine years old. Life is simple, like my faith. I run and play and sing for hours through what seems like endless summer days. And then, when the sun is just beginning to set, my little sister (aka...my partner in play) and I lay face up in the soft, freshly cut grass and stare up at the blue, blue sky watching the puffy white clouds float by.




It is one of those glorious, never ending CNY summer days. I'm laughing and splashing in the water at our church camp. My friend Jamie and I are in a race to see who could do the most back flips underwater in one breath. I want to win. Again and again we push ourselves. “...7...8.…9...” I'm starting to need air “...10...11...AHHH! I gotta come up!”

I spring myself to the top, but only find more water. Disoriented, I begin to panic. Round and round I grope, grasping, clawing, trying to get to the top. Opening my eyes wide in fright, I search around. “Jesus, please help me!“ My eyes catch a glimpse through the murky, seaweed filled waters….light! There it is! Go, get air! I lunge as fast as I can towards the light to catch a desperate breath of air as my lungs feel like they’re going to explode! The pain! The pressure!

I reach the light and spring to the surface, smashing my head on a piece of wood. There’s only space enough for my nose and mouth above the water. Where am I? I realize I have surfaced underneath the long, wooden docks. We’re not allowed under here. Squishy mud is under my feet. Seaweed wraps around my arms. Rumor has it that water snakes live here, under the docks. I don’t care. I can breathe.

I sputter out a weak, “Help me.” The rest is a blur. A strong lifeguard is carrying me to a blanket on the beach. I’m wrapped in towels. I’m safe and warm. I can breathe. I am saved!

Sometimes it's so hard to tell the truth (a poem about Emergency Medicine)

I want to tell that little boy his Mom will be just fine
I want to tell that dad we got his daughter out in time
I want to tell that wife her husband will be home tonight
I don’t want to tell it like it is, I want to tell them lies


You didn’t put their seat belts on, you feel you killed your kids
I want to say you didn’t ... but in a way, you did
You pound your fists into my chest, you’re hurting so inside
I want to say you’ll be OK, I want to tell you lies

You left chemicals within his reach and now it’s in his eyes
I want to say your son will see, not tell you he’ll be blind
You ask me if he’ll be OK, with pleading in your eyes
I want to say that yes he will, I want to tell you lies

I can see you’re crying as your life goes up in smoke
If you’d maintained that smoke alarm, your children may have woke
Don’t grab my arm and ask me if your family is alive
Don’t make me tell you they’re all dead, I want to tell you lies

I want to say she’ll be OK, you didn’t take her life
I hear you say you love her and you’d never hurt your wife
You thought you didn’t drink too much, you thought that you could drive
I don’t want to say how wrong you were, I want to tell you lies

You only left her for a moment, it happens all the time
How could she have fell from there? You thought she couldn’t climb
I want to say her neck’s not broke, that she will be just fine
I don’t want to say she’s paralyzed, I want to tell you lies

I want to tell this teen his buddies didn’t die in vain
Because he thought that it’d be cool to try to beat that train
I don’t want to tell him this will haunt him all his life
I want to say that he’ll forget, I want to tell him lies

You left the cabinet open and your daughter found the gun
Now you want me to undo the damage that’s been done
You tell me she’s your only child, you say she’s only five
I don’t want to say she wont see six, I want to tell you lies

He fell into the pool when you just went to grab the phone
It was only for a second that you left him there alone
If you let the damn phone ring perhaps your boy would be alive
But I don’t want to tell you that, I want to tell you lies

The fact that you were speeding caused that car to overturn
And we couldn’t get them out of there before the whole thing burned
Did they suffer? Yes, they suffered, as they slowly burned alive
But I don’t want to say those words, I want to tell you lies

But I have to tell it like it is, until my shift is through
And then the real lies begin, when I come home to you,
You ask me how my day was, and I say it was just fine
I hope you understand, sometimes, I have to tell you lies

In Defense of Sheree

Ok, I recently mocked Sheree in a comment on another person's blog. In the post, Jess was talking about her being a crazy roommate and well u can read more if you click on her blog. Anyways, I just had to add my two cents and share about the ear-bleeding times that Sheree gave me personally, as her roommate while she took classes in Italian Opera and forced me and others to listen to her as she "performed' them for us.

Well, I feel the need to be fair here and semi-clear her name as I might have been a little rough. Yes, our ears did bleed and yes she had many a strange moment at our house. HOWEVER, Sheree did alot for me and my house that I am thankful for. She is a very hard worker and one time while I was gone on a vacation, she stripped all the windows and door trims which were covered with layers of paint and scraped and scraped them to expose the beautiful oak trim which I now get to enjoy every time I'm at home.

Also, every spring I enjoy looking at my tulips and crocuses which Sheree helped me to plant...all 400 bulbs. Well, the squirrels ate like 350, but the 50 left are still beautiful.

She also helped me paint my livingroom, shoveled the driveway in the winter like a mad woman (to this day i won't do that...i just blow thru the snow with my car). And she did alot of other nice things for me.

So, thanks, Sheree. You may be a little crazy, but crazy is fun.

Florida with the Fam

Below are my first tries at taking pictures of fireworks. It's alot harder than I thought due to the crazy lighting. Anyways, our family had a very nice time together. We went to Animal Kingdom, Epcot and spent some QT together at the beach and poolside. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to do such nice things.





We went orange picking (julie, lee lee and me)


There was this very cute old farmer who ran the orange grove and he teased all of us tremendously. I think we were a great source of entertainment for him as we never had done this before and we didn't know the least bit about orange picking...nor about the gators he told us to look out for!


Sunset over our place in Punta Gorda.


Me and Prince Charming at the Royal Palace. (I know, I know prince charming doesn't exist...but hey it's Disney World, you can believe anything at Disney World!)


mmmm...turkey legs..if only prince charming could see me now, he'd definitly whisk me off into the sunset!


Dad & Lee Lee


Mom had a hoot picking up shells all day


What a handsome guy...my brother Dave in a rare, relaxing moment.


David is a hard-pushing, type A amusement park goer. He frequently consults the map of the parks to see the best route and what we should include on our way to each stop to prevent retracing our steps and therefore wasting time. As you can see Julie on the other hand is biting her tongue to keep from saying...."COME ON! Let's just go and have fun!"


Mommy and Sharlelie are definitely cut from the same mold. They loved this scary roller coaster...Everest. But it was so scary that when Sharlelie got off she was crying. Did that stop her from wanting to go on it again, right away? No way!!


Us with our cool 3-D glasses on



This trip was momentous on many accounts. But probably the most notable would be that little sharlelie lost BOTH of her two front teeth (see above) and made us all laugh till we hurt while she giggingly tried to shay shentences wid "s" and "th" shounds. lol

Natural Beauty around church

Below are a few photographs of the tulips and lilacs that were so pretty this spring at church.

Cil, see getting up early and weeding at church really is worth it!