I grew up having a heartfelt compassion for those who are mistreated. This led me to read extensively about certain specific groups of people, like the Jews during the Holocaust and African Americans, who were often the object of hate and discrimination. I remember reading the book “Roots” at 12 years old and crying at the injustice. Other soul-searching, well known books like “Black Like Me”, “Uncle Tom’s Cabin”, and “To Kill a Mockingbird” were among many other books I read about Blacks in American History. And they yanked hard on my young heartstrings.
Perhaps I was a strange child, a little morose or something. However, those types of books fascinated me because they were true. They really happened to people. The suffering I read about sometimes made me hate the fact that I was Caucasian. But they also helped to foster in me a deep-seated care and concern specifically for Jews and Black Americans.
Fast-forward to now. I’m an adult. I’ve been working as a nurse in the Emergency Department setting for about 8 years. Every day we care for people of all walks of life. But in Crouse’s E.R., we seem to have a larger and poorer African American population than we did at St. Joe’s where I worked for 5 years. I brought with me a care and desire to reach out with kindness to the Blacks I would come in contact with. Yet, many times (not all the time, but often) my kindness would be returned with hostility and rudeness.
We, as health care professionals in the Emergency Department, are often the target of abusive language and obscenities. We see apparent abuses of the health care system, where people use the Emergency Department as their primary care providers. When we see the same people coming in time and again, and we experience the rude language and attitudes over and over, we begin to chalk it up to “feelings of entitlement”. I found myself beginning to categorize people, and feelings of prejudice creeping in to my thought processes. I also found myself beginning to grow calloused, hardened to it all. I would respond by walking away muttering insults which I could never say aloud to those who were yelling at me, but which somehow made me feel vindicated.
And I know that I’m not alone. I’ve watched many of my co-workers respond the same way. It seemed to me that my ideals of racial equality and non-discrimination were nothing but youthful ignorance. In the past three years at Crouse, I began realizing an internal struggle that I was having. Deep down, I knew there probably was a reason for the way we health care professionals were being treated, but it didn’t seem fair or right. What did we do to deserve this sort of treatment? The anger we experienced from others felt misdirected. And in turn, we were misdirecting our anger back at others who we felt were treating us unfairly. As I thought more on this, I could see how discrimination and prejudice can be a viscous cycle.
I really don’t want to be part of this cycle. So, I started praying about this problem. “God, please help me. Help my heart to change.” It didn’t happen over night. But I did begin by talking with my boss and admitting that I could feel these prejudice feelings living and growing in me. She suggested I talk with an African American lady who is our Director of Guest Services at the hospital. I went to her. Although our conversation was interesting, it didn’t seem to change anything in me. She also suggested “Help People” which is an organization employees can access to assist them in a variety of ways for the many problems they face. I went there. It didn’t help much.
I continued to pray. After church one day, I had a conversation with a friend who is doing a student-teaching experience in the inner city of Syracuse. My ears perked up. She shared how it was difficult for her at first to deal with the attitudes and different behaviors that she experienced from children of different ethnicities. I then shared a little with her about my feelings of prejudice and concerns that I had regarding them, but apparent inability to change. She told me that she had a couple books which really helped her to see their side a little more clearly. One book she gave me was written by Ruby Payne called, “A Framework for Understanding Poverty”.
Payne’s book opened my eyes tremendously. In the book she explains how all three classes: poverty, middle class, and wealth, have unwritten rules. She shows how understanding these unwritten rules are imperative for survival within that class. It is clear, by the short “Could you survive?” quizzes that each one of us in middle class would find it very difficult to know how to survive and behave in wealth, but we would actually find it just as difficult to get by in poverty. And in the same way, those in wealth would not be able to survive in the other classes, and quite understandably those in poverty find it impossible as well.
Payne also explains how money is not the only resource important for success in the different classes. She explains how our support systems play a key role as well. She categorizes these supports into 7 groups: Coping Strategies, Options During Problem Solving, Information and Know-How, Temporary Relief from Emotional, Mental, Financial, and/or Time Constraints, Connections to Other People and Resources, Positive Self-Talk, and Procedural Self-Talk. They may sound like a lot of psycho-babble. But the book clearly shows how each of us come to the table with different understandings and support systems. These greatly influence our thought processes and ultimately our behavior.
I have been able to reflect and expound on the ideas brought out by this insightful book. And they have helped to change my incorrect ways of thinking. Understanding that people are not mindful of the same rules of etiquette, for example, has taken the sting out of their insults. Also, realizing that there is a whole system of supports that many people are lacking, sheds light on the reason why no matter how much money is spent on certain community problems, they still remain. The book isn’t a cure for all prejudices, but it does promote a better understanding of those who don’t act, respond or think like you do. And understanding eventually, can help to bridge those wide gaps between classes.
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